The thought of retirement can hit
like a hammer and leave us with a feeling of bewilderment, confusion, and
groping in the dark to find a path forward. I am not alone in going through the
trauma of retirement. If the number of podcasts and growing cadre of life
coaches is any indication, there is a tribe of people out there going through
the same emotions.
But why would
the thought of the inevitability of retirement feel so traumatic? Afterall, all of us have gone through transitions in our
life before and have managed them well. What is so special this time?
There are a couple of major
differences between the retirement transition and the transitions we managed
earlier in our lives that make this one special.
In our earlier transitions there was
always something ahead to transition to. We may be leaving something behind, it
was also clear where we were heading for. Finishing high school and leaving for
college filled us up with a sense of excitement about the prospects of the
future. Back then, we were busy building a future identity for ourselves,
learning new skills, dreaming of new destinations.
Earlier transitions also happened at
a time when we were young, and life seemed immortal.
The above two factors differ in retirement
as a life transition.
Retirement is a transition in which
we know what we will be leaving from
but may not know what we are leaving for.
Retirement also happens at a time when we are older, and we are more aware of
our mortality. The thought of death is no longer a vague notion. We become
acutely aware that we have an expiration date, and also, this could very well
be our last act.
As part of transition, we will also leave
many things behind that are dear to us. Our identity, routine, a conduit for
social interaction, a purpose.
The combination of an acute sense of
loss of aspects that work life provided. and our growing awareness of our
mortality, is a potent mixture that makes retirement a traumatic experience.
In a paper in the Canadian Journal of
Counselling and Psychotherapy, the author John W. Osborne (2012) aptly
summarized: “These [psychological] effects [of retirement] include partial identity
disruption, decision paralysis, diminished self trust, experience of a post
retirement void, the search for meaningful engagement in society, development
of a retirement/life structure, the confluence of aging and retirement, death
anxiety, the critical nurturing of social relationships, and
self-actualization.” If we are not prepared, this is a heavy load to carry,
and we can easily come unmoored, feel adrift, and experience the trauma of
retirement. To lessen its bluntness, addressing, and knowing, where we are
heading to is the key.
An important strategy of having
successful retirement and aiming for a smoother transition is (a) recognizing
that retirement is going to happen, and (b) that planning for it is going to
need work and a lot of effort. The earlier these recognitions dawn on us, the
better off we will be when the time comes.
The easiest transition from work to
retirement is when we already have some tried and tested engagements in place
that will carry us forward on the day we retire.
It is good to know that we are not
alone in feeling a sense of anxiety and trauma with the prospect of facing
retirement. There is a tribe of people out there with the same concerns. There
are those who have gone through the same stress, and with adequate preparation,
have come out from the other end feeling reinvigorated.
Retirement may feel like paradise
lost but it can be turned into paradise regained. Thanks to the internet there are
a vast number of resources out there that we can lean on for help.
Ciao.
Some helpful resources:
Journey Through the 6 Stages of Retirement
The Retirement Answer Man Podcast
Retirement Heaven or Hell – Which One Will You
Choose? (Book)
Keys to a Successful Retirement: Staying
Happy, Active, and Productive in Your Retired Years (Book)
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