Understanding Absurdity and Angst Through the Lens of  Everyday

Absurdity cracks the script of daily life; angst follows when we try to mend it. This essay explores both, in plain terms and lived examples.

I finally got promoted… and now I spend my days approving timesheets and troubleshooting printer errors. It is so absurd.

Arun Kumar

Summary: This essay discusses the notions of absurdity and existential angst in plain terms, using examples drawn from everyday happenings of life. The premise is that the ideas of absurdity and angst are not confined to ivory towers — we confront them in daily happenings of our life. Examples drawn from there clarify their loftier meanings.

Here is a familiar scenario: you are weaving through the routines of daily life, anchored in a career, fully immersed in the cut-throat office politics and pressures of work. From the outside, everything appears in order. You have what many strive for — stability, status, purpose. And yet, each morning feels less like a fresh beginning and more like a reluctant march into the Colosseum, bracing for another day of battles. Somewhere deep inside, a quiet voice whispers: Something does not add up.

In those moments, the absurdity of your situation begins to surface. You possess what others might envy, yet the feeling of fulfillment remains elusive. You have heard you are not alone in this dissonance. Names like Sartre, Camus, and Kierkegaard come to mind — thinkers who have wrestled with related questions and written extensively about the human experience of absurdity, and existential angst.

Encouraged, you search online and order well-known titles: The Myth of Sisyphus, perhaps Being and Nothingness, or Fear and Trembling. You sit down, eager to glean insight from their pages, hoping to decode your own predicament through their lens. But five pages in, your eyes glaze over. The language is dense, the concepts elusive. You try again, and again — but the clarity you seek remains out of reach.

And so, you continue on, baffled but still searching. This essay aims to bridge that gap — to explain the notions of absurdity and existential angst in plain terms, using examples drawn from the everyday moments of life. The premise is that the ideas of absurdity and angst are not confined to ivory towers — we confront them in daily happenings of our life.

Defining the Terrain: Absurdity and Angst

Let us start with some basic definitions. According to Merriam-Webster, a definition of absurdity is “having no rational or orderly relationship to human life.” Angst, meanwhile, is defined as “a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.”

Absurdity is a visceral experience that arises when reality clashes with our expectations in ways that feel ridiculous, contradictory, or surreal. It is the moment when the script of life veers off course, and we are left blinking at the gap between what we wish it to be and what it hands to us.

Angst, by contrast, is the emotional unease that surfaces when we confront the possibility that the task that lies ahead may exceed our capacity to meet it. It is the tension of striving toward a milestone while knowing we lack the tools, time, or clarity to reach it. Imagine the recurring dream: you are rushing to catch a train for an important journey, but obstacles keep appearing — wrong turns, missing tickets, locked doors — while the clock ticks relentlessly. That is angst.

Examples of Absurdities from Everyday Life

Absurdity often announces itself in mundane moments:

• You spend an hour stuck in traffic, nervous, only arriving at a meeting that has been canceled.
• You prepare for weeks for a job interview, only to be asked questions that have nothing to do with your qualifications.
• You study a subject you love for years, only to be told the job market does not care. You are advised to “pivot” or “rebrand” yourself.
• You plan a vacation meticulously, only to spend most of it getting rained out.

In each of these instances, your urge is to mutter, This is absurd. In doing so, what you really notice is a contradiction — gap between what you expect and what reality delivers. These cracks in the wall of normalcy are where absurdity thrives.

Examples of Angst from Everyday Life

Now consider this: You wake up on a Saturday with no plans. You could read, walk, visit a museum, write in your journal. But instead of feeling liberated, you feel paralyzed. The sheer openness of the day makes you question what you should be doing. That is angst.

Or this: You have achieved a goal you worked toward for years — graduation, a promotion, retirement, publication of a research paper. But instead of feeling fulfilled, you feel… adrift. The goal is behind you, and now you are staring into the open sea of “what next?” That is angst too.

Angst is not fear of something specific; it is a diffuse unease, a sense that something is missing, but you are not sure what.

Angst is what follows when we sit with absurdity long enough. It is the emotional counterpart of realizing that meaning of your life, your existence is not given, and thus, you must make it. It is the paralysis of freedom that what we should choose that would actually turn out to be meaningful. What choices would make us get out of bed in anticipation and enthusiasm and not with a sense of dread.

Which Comes First: Absurdity or Angst?

In most cases, absurdity comes first. It is the spark. It is the moment when something does not add up. We notice the mismatch, the contradiction, a joke which is not funny. And then, if we sit with that moment long enough, an urge to find a solution comes, and if one is not readily available, then angst follows.

Absurdity says, This does not make sense. Angst responds, I want to set things straight, but I am not up for the task.

Absurdity is the crack in the wall. Angst is what we feel when we reach to mend it, only to find that the tools we have are clumsy, imprecise, too thick to fit the fracture. We want to restore coherence, but the gap resists repair. Or even if it gets repaired, cracks open over and over again.

Examples of Absurdity-Angst Pair

Graduation

Imagine a student who has spent four years immersed in study — sleepless nights, endless exams, and the emotional rollercoaster of striving toward a degree. Graduation day arrives. The ceremony is elaborate: speeches, gowns, applause. The student walks across the stage, receives the diploma, and poses for photos. It is a moment that is supposed to feel triumphant.

But later that evening, sitting alone in their apartment, the student feels strangely hollow. The question creeps in: Now what?

• The absurdity lies in the mismatch between the buildup and the lack of emotional payoff that follows. After years of effort, the graduation ceremony felt oddly theatrical, even anticlimactic. The rituals did not match the inner reality.
• The angst follows in the quiet aftermath. The student realizes that the structure that once gave life meaning — classes, deadlines, goals — is now over. They are free to choose their next path, but that freedom feels overwhelming. The future is wide open, and terrifyingly undefined, and they do not know which way to proceed.

The Retirement Send-Off

After decades of work, the day finally arrives: your retirement party. The conference room is decorated with balloons and banners. Colleagues gather, speeches are made, a cake is cut. You are praised for your dedication, your legacy, your years of service. There’s laughter, maybe a few tears, and the ceremonial handing over of a plaque or gift card. It is meant to be a celebration moment of closure and honor.

But later that evening, at home, the silence feels unfamiliar. You wake up the next morning with no meetings, no emails, no deadlines. The calendar is blank. You have gained time, but lost structure. You sit with your coffee and wonder: What now?

• The absurdity lies in the ritual of retirement itself. After years of complex, meaningful labor, the culmination is a party with finger food and polite applause. The gravity of a life’s work is compressed into a few speeches and a farewell slideshow. It feels oddly theatrical, even trivial.
• The angst arrives in the days that follow. With the scaffolding of work removed, you are left staring into the open space of retirement. Freedom is real — but so is the uncertainty. Who are you now, without the role? What will give your days shape, your efforts meaning?

The Absurdity of Human Condition

With those examples from daily life, let us move to the absurdity of human condition.

At its core, absurdity of human condition arises from a fundamental contradiction: humans yearn for meaning, coherence, and purpose in a universe that offers none by default. We seek a narrative arc for our lives — a story that makes sense, which justifies our suffering. But the world, indifferent and chaotic, rarely obliges.

Albert Camus, in The Myth of Sisyphus, describes the absurd as the confrontation between our desire for clarity and the silent, indifferent universe. Sisyphus, condemned to roll a boulder uphill only for it to roll back down, becomes a metaphor for human existence. We work, strive, love, and suffer — only to repeat the cycle again and again

The Angst That Follows

Now that we have glimpsed the absurdity of the human condition, the notions begin to sharpen. We are born, we live for a fleeting moment — barely a blink on the cosmic timescale — and then we die. Between birth and death, we perform a choreography of routines: waking, working, eating, sleeping. These motions repeat endlessly. Against the vast silence of the universe, our daily rituals, on reflection, can feel strangely theatrical, even hollow, and absurd.

In response to this dissonance, we reach for meaning to anchor ourselves. We try to stitch purpose into the fabric of our lives, to mend the tear in space-time. But meaning is not handed to us. There is no cosmic narrator offering a script. We must create it ourselves. And therein lies the catch — the emotional burden of authorship. The angst we feel arises from realization that we are responsible for defining the significance of our own existence.

We call it existential angst because it touches the very core of our existence.

And so, we arrive at the absurdity and angst pair.

• Absurdity is the recognition that life does not inherently make sense — that our yearning for coherence meets a universe that offers none.
• Angst is the emotional response to that recognition — the ache of knowing that meaning must be forged, not found, and further, the responsibility is squarely on our shoulders.

Together, they form signature duo of human life. Absurdity cracks the surface of our assumptions, angst seeps in through the fracture. One reveals the void; the other compels us to fill it.

Ciao, and thanks for reading.

 

The Birth of Absurdity

A contemplative journey through cosmic silence that leaves us with the feeling of absurdity about our ephemeral existence.

The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world. — Albert Camus

Arun Kumar

Summary: This essay explores the origins of absurdity as a feeling born from the dissonance between our longing for meaning and the universe’s apparent indifference. It examines two conceptual paths: one that posits a cosmos imbued with inherent meaning, and another that portrays a universe governed by physical laws — unfolding through inevitable consequences, yet devoid of purpose or predetermined destiny. For those inclined toward the latter view, the predicament of finite existence becomes fertile ground for the emergence of absurdity.

Prelude to Absurdity

“Absurdity,” as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, refers to that which stands “against or without reason or propriety; incongruous, unreasonable, illogical.” Merriam-Webster adds a more existential nuance: “having no rational or orderly relationship to human life.”

Across contexts, definitions of absurdity converge on a rupture between expectation and reality, between our longing for order and the chaos that greets us, between the desire for certainty and the randomness we constantly face. Absurdity is not a matter of merely being silly or nonsensical in our interactions with others. Rather, the defining thread is dissonance: what we hope for and what we receive remains stubbornly misaligned.

In this series of essays, we speak of absurdity in its existential sense — a deeper dissonance that shadows life’s mismatch between our longing for meaning and the universe’s indifference to that longing.

We feel absurdity not merely because the world is illogical, is full of suffering, or is contradictory, nor simply because things fail to make sense. We also feel it because the universe is silent — silent to our pleas for purpose, for coherence, for giving us a story that threads the days of a week, a month, a year into something whole. We yearn for a narrative with a beginning, an end, and something meaningful in between. A narrative that gives us reason and urges us to rise again tomorrow.

Cosmic Silence and Human Perception

We look around and witness the vast expanses of space and time. We gaze at the twinkling stars scattered across the night sky; we marvel at images of galaxies swirling in cosmic dance, captured by telescopes that peer deep into the fabric of the universe. We learn of the cosmic microwave background radiation, a faint echo from the Big Bang, still humming through the void. The sheer scale of space and time, and our apparent insignificance within it, can stir a quiet, unsettling feeling.

For me, that feeling also surfaces at strange moments like while standing on the cliff at Point Udall in St. Croix, the easternmost edge of U.S. territory, watching the ocean stretch endlessly toward the horizon. The waves crash, recede, and return, indifferent to my presence. Lost in the vastness of blue sky above and the turquoise ocean below, I find myself wondering: What is all this for?

The question is not new. It has echoed across centuries and through cultures. It has been whispered in monasteries, temples, and mosques. It has stirred in the minds of philosophers and in the quiet reflections of thinkers seeking to understand the workings of the cosmos. It is a question that has persisted and refuses to be silent or find a resolve.

Faith or Physics?

The sense of absurdity in our relationship with the universe begins with a fundamental question: does the universe possess inherent meaning to begin with? There are two possible answers to this question — yes, or no.

One path, affirming that the universe holds meaning, also implies the presence of agency — a designer, a higher power, and a guiding force. This view offers comfort: that there is, indeed, a plan, even if it remains hidden from us. That our existence is not senseless but woven into a larger story. That our lives are not fleeting sparks in the void, but chapters in a divine narrative, and within that grand arc, each of us carries a narrative of our own.

This path, however, requires a leap of faith. The agency it invokes cannot be verified through empirical means, and it must contend with difficult questions — questions such as…

• Why is there so much suffering?
• Why do the innocents perish and the wicked prosper?
• Is this agency benevolent, or indifferent?
• Are we participants in a cosmic drama — or pawns in a game we do not quite understand?

The other path contends that the universe requires no designer and harbors no inherent meaning. Moreover, this alternative has ample empirical support. From the Big Bang onward, a cascade of inevitabilities — triggered by random fluctuations — can account for the formation of galaxies, stars, and planets; the emergence of self-replicating molecules; the rise of natural selection; and, eventually, the appearance of conscious beings like us. In this view, the cosmos has no story. It follows no teleological arc. Its trajectory is not predetermined. At any moment, it could veer in countless directions, and among those, one path is selected based on contingencies of the present moment.

This path offers a simpler answer. It sidesteps theological thickets and avoids the burden of metaphysical justification. Suffering, in this view, is not a moral riddle but a natural occurrence — part of the fabric of existence. The cost, however, is steep: it strips the universe of inherent meaning and purpose. What remains is a cosmos that is vast, beautiful, and yet, profoundly indifferent.

The Birth of the Absurd

And so, we arrive at the threshold of the birth of absurdity.

In a universe devoid of innate meaning, we are born. We live. We love. We create and procreate. We suffer. We cycle through the rituals of daily life. We construct an identity, only to watch it dissolve in retirement. And then — and then we die. The stars remain. The ocean continues. Everything carries on, except that after our death, there will no longer be a “us” to know we ever existed.

In the end, if one is not persuaded by faith in a divine agency guiding the universe toward a teleological end, but instead finds the evidence for a cosmos without inherent meaning more compelling, then our brief, finite existence within an indifferent universe begins to feel absurd. Against this backdrop, to rise each morning with anticipation rather than a Sisyphean dread requires deliberate strategies — acts of meaning-making in defiance of silence.

And so, the search begins: for purpose, for coherence, for a way to live meaningfully in a universe that offers none by default.

Toward the Next Question

The sense of absurdity — arising from the dissonance between our lives unfolding, perhaps with rhythm and intention, and a universe that remains indifferent — inevitably gives rise to existential angst. It becomes a fitting next step in this exploration: to ask what practical consequences emerge when we confront the silence, and how we respond to the void it reveals.

Ciao, and thanks for reading.

 

Letters from a Retirement Community (6): Pivoting - What Pickleball Teaches Us About Retirement

Retirement is not a plateau; it is a terrain of rapid transitions. Like in the game of pickleball, it demands grace, readiness, and the quiet art of pivoting.

Retirement, far from being a slow drift, is a series of quick pivots.

Arun Kumar

Summary: These thoughts explore the role of pivoting — on the pickleball court and in retirement — as a metaphor for graceful adaptation. It emphasizes how retirement needs to navigate rapid transitions, loss, and evolving identity by cultivating readiness, presence, and meaningful engagement, allowing retirees to pivot with intention when facing changes.

The sun hangs low over the pickleball court, casting long shadows that stretch across the painted lines. A soft thwack echoes — plastic against paddle — as the rally unfolds. At the kitchen line, two players hold their ground, knees bent, eyes sharp. Then, with a flick of the wrist, one sends a sharp crosscourt dink, low and curling. The opponent hesitates for a breath, then pivots with practiced ease. A subtle shift of weight, a rotation of hips, and the paddle meets the ball in perfect timing. In here, points are won not by power, but by the art of pivoting.

As I walk back home through the winding paths of our retirement community, it is not the score that lingers, but the image of that pivot. A moment of quiet reorientation. A decision made in motion. On the court, pivoting is a matter of biomechanics — a coordinated rotation of the body, often initiated from the feet and hips, allowing a player to adjust position without losing balance or overextending. It is the art of staying grounded while changing direction. And surprisingly, that same notion of graceful pivoting carries into life, especially into life during retirement.

Before getting there, we often imagine retirement as a plateau — a long-awaited arrival at a place of rest, predictability, and ease of routine. But once you are retired, you begin to realize that, like pickleball, retirement is not a static state but a changing terrain. The path is not as linear as we once imagined. It bends and twists, sometimes sharp and abrupt, and just as on the court, we must learn to pivot not just physically, but emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

These days, if we are lucky, and if we are proactive in assisting luck with actions to improve our healthspan, we can hope to be around for another 30+ years in retirement. That is a long time. It is about as long as our career was. But it is not just the length that matters — the real surprise may be the pace.

A peculiarity of retirement, and contrary to expectations, is the rapidity of transitions that happen. In many ways, retirement compresses the first sixty years of life into a 15–20-year span, or less. The changes come faster. The chapters turn more quickly.

The reasons are many. Health becomes fragile, and recovery takes longer. A sprained ankle, a fall on the pickleball court, can sideline us for weeks or months, if not forever. And even if no mishap occurs, the erosion of agility will eventually urge us to step back from many activities.

There are other kind of transitions, too. The passing of a spouse or close friends. The end of traveling days, not because the desire fades, but because the logistics of organization become daunting or when knees begin to whisper their limits, and long walks become shorter forays.

Some changes are gradual and foreseen, others jarring. But what unites them is their frequency. Retirement, far from being a slow drift, is a series of quick changes requiring appropriate pivots. And each pivot needs a willingness to reorient, to let go, to begin again.

In retirement, the ability to pivot is absolutely essential to stay on the top of the game. It is the skill that allows us to respond to loss with ingenuity, to meet limitations with creativity. When one activity fades, something else must rise to fill the space and time. The end of travel for weeks across the world might open space for local exploration. The loss of a partner might lead to deeper friendships or solitary reflection. When one door closes, another must be ready to be opened.

This is not always easy. Pivoting requires intentional preparation.

And so, in retirement, we must be prepared and ready to pivot. We must cultivate a portfolio of activities, interests, and relationships. Not as distractions, but as meaningful engagements. Reading groups, nature walks, community service, writing, stargazing, mentoring, learning a new skill, each becomes a meaningful direction to pivot toward. Equally important is the psychological readiness to pivot — to recognize the impermanence of any one role or activity, which is often a mirage — and to meet each loss not with lament, but with a quiet turning toward what lies ahead.

The player who won the point today did not overpower his opponent. He simply pivoted. He adjusted. He responded. And in doing so, he stayed on top of his game.

So too in retirement. The terrain will change and can change expectedly. But if we learn to pivot, we can continue to play — not the same game but a different one shaped by grace, presence, and the quiet joy of adaptation.

Epilogue: Cultivating Readiness to Pivot

To pivot gracefully in retirement is not merely to react, it is to prepare before it happens. It begins with cultivating a mindset of openness, where change is not feared but anticipated and something inevitable. We build this readiness through small, intentional acts: diversifying our interests, nurturing relationships across generations, tending to our physical and emotional health, and staying curious about the world beyond our sand box.

We can learn to scan the horizon without clinging to any one role. To be pivot-ready is to live with quiet flexibility. It is to know that while the game may change, our capacity to engage meaningfully endures.

Ciao, and thanks for reading.

 

Dopamine at Play: The Science Behind Our Need to Check

How dopamine, unpredictability, and the allure of social media likes create habits that fracture attention and leave our days scattered.

Behavior is reinforced not by certainty but by probabilistic anticipation, which makes it even more compelling.

Arun Kumar

Summary: This essay explores how dopamine-driven feedback loops shape our behavior, using LinkedIn engagement as an example. It explains why unpredictable rewards reinforce habits, how cues trigger motivation, and why uncertainty of outcomes fuels compulsive checking. The piece reveals the neurological underpinnings of attention fragmentation in the age of social media.

Dopamine in Action

Last week I posted an article about how simple cues distract me from what I am or should be doing. The contextual example was related to posting an article on LinkedIn. Subsequent to doing that, amid various ongoing activities and obligations, I observed a recurring pattern of behavior. At unpredictable intervals, often in the middle of some unrelated activity, a spontaneous thought crossed the mind: “Perhaps someone has liked or commented on the post.” This simple anticipation acted as a cue, prompting me to suspend whatever task I was engaged in and open Firefox, navigate to LinkedIn, and scrutinize the latest stats.

As for the outcome, occasionally, I would encounter a gratifying spike in likes or engagement; at other times, the dashboard remained static. In other words, it was the unpredictability of the outcome that acted as a driver. The momentary act of checking disrupted attention and fractured the continuity of work. When this pattern repeats multiple times across a single day the cumulative effect is a diffuse sense of unproductivity. The day becomes a mosaic of half-finished efforts and disjointed focus. Before heading for bed, I find it difficult to summarize what I have truly accomplished. Days like that are cognitively scattered and emotionally unsatisfying.

While this experience might appear anecdotal, it reveals a deep truth about human behavior and our neural underpinnings. At the heart of this seemingly innocuous cycle lies a powerful neurotransmitter: dopamine.

The Feedback Loop of Anticipation and Reward

This behavioral loop — cue → anticipation → action → unpredictable reward → repetition — is emblematic of a dopamine-mediated feedback system. Each time I check LinkedIn and find a favorable result, such as a new like, a small jolt of pleasure accompanies the discovery. This jolt of pleasure reflects a real change in neurochemical activity within the brain. The experience becomes associated with the behavior that preceded it (the cue), reinforcing the tendency to follow the cue with an action in hopes for a reward a jolt of pleasure.

Conversely, when I check the same platforms multiple times with no new positive feedback, the reinforcement is absent. Gradually, the behavior extinguishes — or at least recedes — until a new LinkedIn post reignites the cue. This is an example of variable reinforcement (be deliberately unpredictive in the outcome), a principle well-known in behavioral psychology and one that underpins many addictive or compulsive behaviors, from gambling to doom scrolling.

What Does Dopamine Do?

Dopamine’s fundamental function is in the realm of wanting rather than liking. Dopamine does not directly cause pleasure; rather, it increases the prominence of certain stimuli, rendering them more attractive and worth pursuing.

The Pathway of Desire: From Cue to Action

The journey from a fleeting cue — such as the thought “maybe there’s a like on my post” — to a full-fledged behavioral response is orchestrated by a complex neural circuits. It begins in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the midbrain, where dopamine neurons are activated by reward-predicting cues. These neurons then project outwards to several key regions that translate motivation into action.

This system is highly adaptive and plastic. Each time a cue leads to a reward, the dopaminergic synapses are strengthened. The brain essentially “learns” that the cue is worth responding to. This is why even the mere possibility of positive feedback can be enough to trigger the action. Behavior is reinforced not by certainty but by probabilistic anticipation, which, paradoxically, makes it even more compelling. If the outcome is a certainty, the thrill for anticipation would not be there.

The Behavioral Contradiction of Uncertainty

Human behavior is shaped by a paradox: we’re drawn to unpredictability even as we recoil from it. Neurologically, the brain’s dopamine system responds more intensely to uncertain rewards than to guaranteed ones. This probabilistic anticipation fuels motivation, especially in environments where outcomes remain partially obscured. It’s evolution’s way of nudging us forward — encouraging exploration in a world where uncertainty is the rule, not the exception.

Yet at the same time, our cognitive systems crave control. The discomfort of uncertainty triggers emotional and psychological stress, driven by our need to manage risk and maintain a sense of agency. The result is a built-in tension — our motivational engines chase what is uncertain, while our rational minds try to tame it. These systems do not always agree. We may feel anxious about uncertainty yet still act compulsively in response to it (because the motivational engine fires faster than the rational brakes). This duality powers both innovation and anxiety, creation and caution. It’s not a flaw, but a feature — a balancing act that underlies much of human striving.

Epilogue

Uncertainty is the fabric of life, and dopamine is the thread that draws us toward it. Yet paradoxically, uncertainty is something we resist. We crave predictability and work tirelessly to minimize the unknown — why else do practices like astrology and tea-leaf reading persist? So what gives rise to this tension? That question will be worth exploring.

Ciao, and thanks for reading.