Yesterday I sent a few emails that could have cascading consequences down the road in the context of increasing the scope of my work involvements. You see, I have been pondering over the possibility of retirement and sending those emails was not congruent with those thoughts.
I could have held my fingers back and not initiated anything. But I did not and decided to hit the return and send the emails zooming through the internet to their destination.
And then, there are a few other emails that are waiting in the wings that I can send which also have potential for developing into further engagements.
Therein lies a dilemma I am currently introspecting with — I should initiate ideas that could become longer lasting (and engaging) projects and have the potential to draw me back into the universe of work or should I put myself on the cruise control for another year or so and then retire?
In choosing the path of getting engaged in work again lurks the fear that I will be moving away from developing activities outside of work life.
As I found out in the last couple of years the hard way, these activities are essential for (i) transitioning into the next phase (of a finite) life, and (ii) are an insurance of having alternatives at hand to transition into. Having that alternative in hand ensures that if for some reason work life does come to a sudden halt, it will not be a repeat of the shock that it was a few years back.
Therefore, by choosing to continue the work life I do not want to get in a position where I am short of time for the other activities I have been cultivating.
The question I am pondering is whether in choosing the path of re-engaging in work life would I be able to maintain a balance between work and activities outside of work and not return to a place where work was all encompassing and was the sole identity that defined me.
That path of work also conflicts with the daydreams of spending days taking walks on the beach, of cultivating a life of poise and serenity, of being someone sitting at the banks of a gently flowing river and content with watching its flow, i.e., in general, wishing for a life with a slower pace, and with a much smaller portfolio of activities.
In choosing the path of work I also need to ensure that it does not conflict with my cognizant of mortality and not let it get buried under the rat race and politics that work can be. This is needed so the reality of being mortal does surprise me again.
Reminding myself that I am mortal keeps me grounded and humble.
But why do I want to return to work life when I am in a place where thoughts of being retired and the prospect of having an abundance of time is no longer a terrifying prospect.
The simple reason is that my brain still works (which is a good thing!). It can still produce creative ideas that so many of my colleagues cannot.
Going down the old path of work also has other consequences, for example, I am giving away some of my control. I also do not know how long it may last, and therefore, I am taking on some uncertainty.
In addition, by choosing to continue to work, I am also putting my freedom back in the hands of others, for example, my supervisor holding the authority over what I should and should not do. These annoyances are the usual struggles of work life (and its politics).
Is there a path in which (a) if work track ends then unlike the fear I had earlier I would not be thrown out of loop by the thought of needing to retire, (b) I will not be at the mercy of whims of supervisors and colleagues, and © I will not care about the consequences of not engaging in the work politics.
The answer is yes.
The answer is to build a work life that also has time to cultivate alternate paths and is fully aware that there is an alternative path that I can take if work does not pan out. The perfect analogy for such a paradigm of life would be two parallel train tracks with switches, and if needed, I can easily change and leave the track of work behind.
The answer is yes, if I keep a balance in which I continue to cultivate activities outside of work, and further, if I keep reminding myself of mortality so as not to forget that my time on this Earth is finite.
The solution, therefore, is to build a life with two parallel tracks — one for work and one for activities outside of work — giving me the recognition and a sense of freedom that if one path ends, I know an alternative is readily available.
Yet another fear is that if I go down this road there would be that much less time to do other things in life. Examples of activities I want to do include — taking weeks off without having to worry about work deadlines, taking walks on the beach, taking trips. After all, we are not getting any younger. Could this aspect also be remedied? Yes.
The potential solution to alleviate that concern would be to put money we worked hard to save and put it to use and find appropriate solutions and enjoy the pleasures and experiences having access to discretionary cash flow can bring. In other words, put money to work.
Although these are some preliminary ideas, they do bring a sense of comfort and give me a sense of freedom that I have not felt in a long time. They give me space to breathe.
Ciao.