Past is becoming heavy
collecting the moments that fall
from the swinging pendulums of
ticking clocks,
like puffs of white cotton do
when getting soaked
under the drizzle
of monsoon days.
It is becoming hard
carrying the past around
on aching shoulders
trying to live a day
as just a day.
It is time to get into
the attics of my mind, and
Marie-Konding my past.
It is time to lighten up
some burdens
and be free again.
Dissonance: A general feeling that a chord within is not in harmony with others and wants to play its own tune.
There are periods in our journey across space and time when the psyche is permeated by an undefinable sense of unease. It is a feeling of dissonance bordering on a visceral sensation that something is not right.
Lying awake at three in the morning, seeds of dissonance suddenly sprout, and triggers could be many. They could be the vague feeling that something is out of place, or they could be an emerging sense of no longer knowing what the heck we are doing, and why.
Or the trigger could be a growing realization of mortality that can no longer be kept at bay leading to a realization of the futility of some of our engagements, or of grudges we continue to hold.
Then there are life transitions that are a fertile ground for the seeds of dissonance to germinate and thrive.
With the feeling of dissonance comes the quest of how to put life back on track and regain a sense of balance.
The alternative paths that offer to lead us away from the dissonant self generally offer contrasting choices.
Take the realization of mortality. One potential solution leads to personal growth and a sense of equanimity. The alternative path is looking for ways to drown the emerging sense of mortality.
Depending on which path we take, a dissonant self could be our friend or a foe. The outcome of a dissonance could be a constructive or a destructive journey forward.
One path forward out of the dissonant self is introspective. It is a path along which one could try to understand the reasons for the unease within and attempt to set it right. Taking this path is challenging, but eventually, a rewarding option of self-growth.
The other path is trying to drown the feeling of dissonance. In our age, this path is so much easier to follow. Its benign versions are spending endless hours watching TV, scrolling through media feeds, keeping up with trivialities of others on social media. Other choices are self-medications - alcohol, mind altering drugs - lead to darker alleys and are not so benign.
Which path to take?
The choice, of course, should be obvious but to get going and overcome initial obstacles is easier said than done. The biggest obstacle is our tendency to follow the path of least resistance, i.e., we tend to do what requires least effort. It is easy to get sucked down the path of making the wrong choice, and after a while, it becomes too much of an effort to extricate and change courses.
The moments of dissonance, and transitions, although discombobulating, but if handled intentionally and with care, are an opportunity for self-growth; they could become a springboard for a life enriching experience. And that too, no matter whether one is young or old.
Ciao.
Related
It is time again
to dust up the keyboard, and
fold unwritten memories
wedged between
the letters A and Z
and put them away, neatly
in cardboard boxes
and take them to
the neighborhood
Goodwill store.
Perhaps, there would be
a taker, or two
of fading threads
from my nondescript past.
…like being a newborn again.
Uncertain steps,
learning to walk,
re-discovering to become
who you are,
and then,
there are visits to a dentist
for a new set of teeth
and perhaps,
mashing up the food
so it is easier to eat.
And to top it all
living with dignity
does not get any easier
when before getting in bed
hands fumble to put on
an adult diaper.