A polyamorous threesome

 

Past, Present, and Future

are forever engaged in

a polyamorous  threesome

where rules of engagements 

constantly change;

a machiavellian game;

except one -

Present is navigating

a tightrope between 

what is memory

and what is there

but yet to come.

Love and Hate for Chemistry

 Arun Kumar

Chemistry. Chem·is·try.

It was one of the subjects among few others that I disliked during my halcyon days of high school years. Chemistry felt different from physics or mathematics where after learning a few basic principles, the rest could be deduced using hierarchical reasoning.  Physics and mathematics seemed logical. All I needed to do was to learn a few axioms of number theory and use them as the building blocks of lofty structures of increasingly complex theorems.

Chemistry, on the other hand, was a different beast – dark, mystical, magical. I never figured out the rhyme and reason of balancing the left- and right-hand side of the chemical reactions, and never understood what the basic principles were.

To barely manage passing grades and advance into the next class, I memorized the chemical reactions to the extent the neurons would hold, gave the exam and the very next day promptly forgot everything about them. 

There was no pleasure in that process of trying to learn chemistry.

Perhaps it was because of the chemistry teacher we had, but that might just be deflecting blame.

Whatever the reason, I never developed an interest in chemistry and was thrilled that after 12th grade, I did not have to take any chemistry classes or prepare for annual examinations. It was an amicable separation. Little did I know that later in life I would begin to appreciate chemistry, and I do not mean the chemistry between me and other fellow beings. 

Throughout the history of my youth and decades that followed, the relevancy of chemistry in life did not catch or hold my attention. 

In the torrent of youth and following that in the years of building a career, lots of trivial and important aspects of life, and about who I am, took a back seat. It is only now that I am past 60 and the single-minded focus on my career has receded leaving me with the feeling of the spaciousness of time and space that I realize the importance of chemistry, and of chemical reactions in life that I so much disliked.

And now, now, I see the profound influence of chemistry of small molecules, their interactions, and their contributions to the intricate steps in dance of life. Perhaps now being more aware of the world around, and world within, has brought the working of small molecules to the fore.

Take the grass in our front yard. One serving of fertilizer, and it turns from pale green to looking like a lush green carpet. All I am giving it is a 21-22-4 mix of Nitrogen-Phosphorous- Potassium (NPK) and with one serving, grass is all smiles.

Being a diabetic, I can see the fingerprints of what I eat at dinner on the blood sugar the next morning. A meal with a larger amount of carbohydrates, although so pleasing, comes back to haunt with higher level of blood sugar the next morning.

Take a small pill of medication, or some other mind-altering chemical, and like a magic potion the entire body reacts as if I have taken gobs of a chemical that are not part of my daily regimen. 

It is only now that I am beginning to realize that the biology of life is all made of chemical reactions. The proteins that genes create carry on the task that is assigned to them by shape determined by their molecular structure. Molecules act as messengers in every kind of process going on within my body and have magically allowed me to celebrate my 65th birthday which will be coming soon.

Now I am so much more cognizant of what my hands bring to my mouth. If I am not mindful, the hands are always singing the siren song that plays along the lines of - come my love, it is just one more honey glazed donut, how bad could it be when it feels like heaven above? And to those lyrical words, our hearts cave in.

Oh well. There is not much I can do about the youthful indulgences and fallacies of the past. But in the present, with new respect for chemistry and what it means for the cellular functions in my body, now we head out to organic food stores, and thankfully, have the financial wherewithal to be able to do that.

I now stay away from loading my plate with carbs – no rice, no pasta, and yes, no donuts, no fun. Well, not really. With creativity such food still tastes good.

Perhaps, I should also be more cognizant of what I am feeding the grass in the front yard. The 21-22-4 NPK mixture may ultimately turn out to be what donuts are to my body.

It is time to let go of my aversion to chemistry and learn the meaning behind you are what you eat or realize that meaning behind what Hippocrates said, "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food."

Ciao.

Lines on my palm

 

Arun Kumar

When going through occasional rough patches in my life, I look upward towards the sky for solace, but if the day is cloudy, I turn to find comfort in the lines criss crossing my palm.

According to palmistry, different lines indicate different traits in our life — health, intellect, dominant nature, fate, sensuality, marital happiness, etc. etc. and etc.

These lines on our palm are supposed to commence from one side and terminate on the other with the beginning of the line foretelling our years in childhood and ending of the line our outer years. It is hard to conceive how the notion of beginning and ending of a line came about. After all, beginnings and endings, left and right, up and down, are human constructs.

If a section of a line is clear and unblemished, the corresponding trait during that chronological period in life is supposed to be heightened.

A set of clear lines, like a not so busy highway one certain day, bodes well for our journey in life.

Although as training I am a scientist, having grown up in India and surrounded by astrology, palmistry, seeing people wearing all kind of gemstones on their fingers for better luck or to ward off the bad influence of some planets, occasionally do I get swayed by their power to foretell the future and want to a peek to see what is coming.

Sometimes during periods of stress, I will gaze at my palm, and relying on my rudimentary knowledge of palmistry, try to find a silver lining.

Is my action just an example of wishful thinking; an attempt to draw comfort and seek a straw to hang on to?

I look at the lines on my palm and search for solace that life is going to be alright.

A sense of finding comfort is heightened by the fact that my father had a good knowledge of astrology. He had prepared my astrological chart and based on the alignments of planets, gave me his interpretation for what my future may entail. His interpretation included a summary of timeline of major events in my life (marriage, education, general health etc.), and by whatever reason, coincidence or because major events in life occur for most of us around the same time, some of his readings about my future, and timing of events were close to what he foretold.

Maybe by interpreting my chart he was also trying to comfort himself that even though I did not seem too bright when young, in the end I am going to be alright.

Bits of memories of those conversations with my father sometimes also provide me with solace during periods of stress. Perhaps in his wisdom he also knew that someday I would need the comfort of his words and wisdom that in general, my life would be okay.

Is my tendency of drawing comfort by looking at the lines on my palm any different than if I was religious and had the faith that brought me comfort and provided me with anchors to hold me in place?

Granted that astrology, palmistry, reading tea leaves are vastly different from tenets of organized religion — not much social interaction, no following ten commandments, no full day fasts during certain phase of the moon, no daily rituals, no specific attire — and yet the purpose is the same — be it the line on my hand or faith in a deity, what I seek is some sense of comfort that I am going to be okay.

I don’t quite know how palmistry, astrology etc. came about or evolved over time. It is hard to imagine that over the millennia of human civilization, a group of people built up a huge sample of lines on palm, plotted the corresponding trajectory of lives of people they belonged to, ran an AI/ML algorithm or just simple regression analysis to draw general conclusions about patterns of lines and the corresponding events in life.

Was it purely an exercise in fitting a regression curve, or doing a cluster analysis between various wiggles and blemishes in the lines on our palm and events of the life of people on whose hands those lines belonged to? It is hard to conceive of that possibility.

Even now with access to scientific and computing advances, study of human traits is difficult to perform and interpreting the data can be fraught with errors.

Maybe the origins of palmistry, astrology and other occult sciences reside in our innate desire to reduce uncertainty in the future, to find meaning and purpose for our blip of an existence in space and time. It is the same desires that led to the birth of to various religions around the world.

One common thread connecting the origin of occult sciences and religion could be human suffering in the present moment and our attempt to find solace by some means.

Maybe Buddhism or palmistry are inventions to alleviate our suffering and an attempt to reduce the measure of uncertainty where we might be heading.

We may never know how the notion of palmistry evolved over time but in the end, if palmistry gives me a blade of grass to hold on to and keep me from getting blown away during a storm in the darkness of night, that is all that matters.

Ciao.

Really, there is no place like being home

 

It is not easy be a guest, particularly,
when you are always feeling
a need to tiptoe around,
and be apologetic for the sound
your feet make,

or when

you are the first one up in the morning
rummaging through the kitchen cabinets
trying to find a pot to boil water
and have the first cup of Earl Gray,

but one rebel
decides to turn over
and lets out a loud clunk
it has been holding within
to make someone,
someday jump.

Few more days
of feeling chained,
and somewhat constrained
trying not to breathe too loudly
or have a hearty sneeze
that opens portals to your soul,

one relearns the truth
that there is no place
like being home.