Building a framework for living #14: The starting point

 

Arun Kumar

Once again, I am back on the trail walking through the woods on a sunny afternoon that occasionally comes to grace us when transitioning from winter to summer. It is a beautiful crisp sunny spring afternoon.

Spring is the time of the year for our souls to thaw from its introspection during the winter and embrace the prospects of soaring again.

On the trail, there are signs of resurgence of life. Like our souls, everything else wants to soar. 

The trail also has a quaint wooden bridge to walk across a narrow creek. 

Walking over creek sometimes I wonder, where did it begin? From a spring beneath the surface? From the collection of small drops sliding down the slopes of a hill coalescing into a fledging thin stream? It is something like when drops run down the side of a glass filled with chilled water on a humid day, and along their journey downward pick others to form a small puddle at the base.

The thought of the beginnings of the creek reminds me that everything has a point of origin. The ultimate beginning for everything around us is the Big Bang from which we all originated. Because of that, like a genealogical tree but vastly more intricate, the Big Bang is also the point of universal connectedness.

Another and much more personal beginning is the day I was born. Starting from that moment, sixty-five years later I am sitting on my laptop, lost in introspection, occasionally touching the keyboard to put my thoughts into words.

Between the day I was born and now, there is much that has come and gone by. Sometimes though I think that I still have not grasped the right perspective about time.

The years of childhood feel so far away, and yet, months and years seem to pass in a hurry. We are already near the end of the March and ¼ of the 2023 is now behind.

But let us stay with the discussion about the beginnings, particularly about where to begin in the context of building an appropriate framework for living for ourselves and be successful in achieving that goal.

The framework for living I have in mind is finding a way to live that reconciles my awareness of mortality with my need to live.

If I do not have the framework for living, the rest of the journey that remains could be hard. 

Knowing that it is all going to end, and having that awareness, I must find a way to feel engaged and have a sense of fulfillment as moments tick by. If I fail, life would be filled with cynicism. Each step someone within would ask - why engage in anything, when it is all going to end? What is the purpose of what you are doing?

And so, I am trying to build the framework for living and need to know where to start?

My goal is to have a framework of living that makes me feel that my life is, and will be, well lived. With that goal in mind, finding appropriate engagements that bring that feeling has the potential to reconcile the awareness of mortality and the need to live. 

Why so?

Having the sense of fulfillment does not leave a void inside that could be exploited by the trickeries of the awareness of mortality that can leave us feeling lost. To counteract, what I need to have is the right portfolio of engagements (PoE) enacting which makes me feel that the day that just went by was well lived.

With a sequence of such days, their sum would be a life well lived, and I would have achieved my goal. 

What goes in the PoE is an individualistic choice, the process of finding the right activities, however, is universal. The process is to ensure that activities that go in my PoE aligns with my values. Having such A PoE would bring a sense of involvement in what I am doing, and further, would also give me a sense of purpose and direction and would shield me from discrete random meanderings. 

So, the starting point is to build the right framework for living is to know what I value. It may not be readily evident but looking back at personal history may help. In your past, search for activities that brought fulfillment, satisfaction, flow, and joy. Was it learning a new subject or skill, coming up with a seemingly new idea, finding connection in seemingly unrelated things?

A part of activities in the PoE are those that help us achieve a healthy lifespan which is the foundation on which the rest of me stands. Without health, everything else falls wayside. So activities in the appropriate PoE should have exercising, eating well, having social interactions over pleasant dinner with a glass of wine.

Ultimately, activities in my PoE would form a healthy ecosystem that supports and feedback on each other.

And so, at the center of finding the right framework for living is understanding what I value, and once I have the grasp of that, the next step is trial and error to find engagements that align with my values. Once that happens, nagging existential questions of life will start to fall into place.

As I walk along the creek, it is gradually getting wider, and I know soon it will flow into the lake. It would realize its end. 

The journey of the creek reminds me of Bertrand Russell said: An individual human existence should be like a river — small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being.

Ciao.

Summary:

1. My goal is to have a framework of living that makes me feel that my life is, and will be, well lived.

2. To do that, I need a starting point.

3. A general starting point would be understanding what I value, and once I have the grasp of that, by trial and error, finding engagements that align with my values.

4. A collection of such engagements would be the correct portfolio of engagements for me.

Related:

Building a framework for living #1: Becoming aware of mortality

Building a framework for living #2: The basic premise for its need

Building a framework for living #3: Follow the advice from stoics

Building a framework for living #4: The basic principles

Building a framework for living #5: Working with the fundamental unit that makes a life

Building a framework for living #6: The alchemy of fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #7: The yardstick for fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #8: What makes a day anyway?

Building a framework for living #9: A strategy to make a day well lived

Building a framework for living #10: Choosing right engagements to make a day well lived.

Building a framework for living #11: Need for aligning engagements with our values

Building a framework for living #12: Other consequences of portfolio of engagements

Cliffs above the ocean

 

Arun Kumar

Cabo de Roca, Portugal.

Diamond Head, Hawaii.

Point Udall, St. Croix, US Virgin Island.

All three are different specks on the sphere of the globe. They are far apart but have something in common. All three are cliffs high above the ocean and provide a view of infinite vistas. From all three, I have looked at turquoise blue waters of the ocean below. Waters that blend into distant horizons. 

If I let my eyes travel across the line on the surface of the ocean, it reaches the horizon. From there, it moves upward into an equally stunning blue sky, and then, continuing its onward journey it descends to travel back to where I stand.

Standing high above the ocean and looking at the sweeping vista, at all three places I have felt the vastness of space and time. Within that vastness, there is also the feeling of how insignificant I am compared to what is out there.

Standing in these places, one can feel the magic of two opposites merging into one. One is the unfathomable extent of the universe, and of the space and time within. The other is the realization of my insignificance. 

These are places where I can feel larger than myself, and yet, feel small.

The merging of two opposites – the expansiveness of space and time, and the sense of my own insignificance – also brings a sense of connectedness. 

I may be a speck, but I am still part of the infinite. 

If I close my eyes, I can see threads that emanate out from me and reach immeasurable distances in space and time and connect me with everything that is out there. 

Standing on these cliffs high above the water, within me there is both a feeling of awe and a feeling of peace. Perhaps, both go together.

It is not often that we feel connected with everything that is out there. The feeling of connectedness is having the realization that being in here and now is a long progression of events that started from the moment of the creation. 

Starting from that beginning, an infinite sequence of random events made it possible that I stand here, that I breathe the air I breathe, that I am staring back at that distant point in the sky which might as well be in the point where it all started.

Standing on these cliffs makes me realize that in the larger scheme of things, how miniscule are the chances of us being here. And even more, how miniscule are the chances of you and me both being here. 

Standing on these cliffs makes me comprehend that if I were to run time backwards then starting from the moments back in time, I am related to everything else that currently exists in now. In that movie, slowly the form I have will emerge from the forms that existed earlier. If I play the movie forward, many other forms will emerge from my present self.

It is like watching squirrels running down a branch on a tree, reaching the point of bifurcation and climbing back up on a different branch. The end point of two branches may be far apart, but somewhere in space they are connected.

Perhaps, that is the meaning of the word reincarnation and of universal connectedness. The forms we were and the forms we will become, and between them is me that provides the link.

The atoms that make me now were part of something else before and they will be part of something else tomorrow.

Standing on these cliffs, for a moment I question, why should I be afraid of my mortality? 

I do not even know where my beginning has been and where my end would be. I emerged from a progression of events in the past, and I will be part of a similar progression of events in the future. In that continuum, there does not exist a point that defines my end.

In that realization, there is a sense of peace of having a self that will continue to live, albeit in a different form.

One day, you and I can return to these cliffs for one more time and gaze at the infinite. But let us try not to go to Diamond Head. Our old knees can no longer bear the effort of climbing those steps. We can just drive to Point Udall or take a bus to Cabo de Roca and call ourselves armchair seekers of the meaning of existence.

Ciao

Building a framework for living #13: An ecosystem of interconnected engagements

 

Arun Kumar

In-ter-con-nect-ed-ness. 

A long word with six syllables. Within itself, it has the even taller responsibility of conveying that everything that surrounds us has threads coming out that extend and touch others. In the physical realm, the notion of interconnectedness is indeed true.

At the basic level, everything after all is made of atoms. They might transform from one element into another, or may transform into energy, but in one form or the other, their existence continues. 

I may look different from the stars and galaxies that twinkle above in the deep blueness of the night sky, but I am made up of the atoms that were once cooking in the bellies of their ancestors. It is their death that I owe my existence to. If stars were not born, used the alchemy of transformation of atoms to sustain their life, and when the time came, died, I would not have existed.

I owe my existence to the stars that lived in the past and illuminated the sky above for someone else to see. 

Twenty-five years back, when my father passed away, and following the Hindu rituals, his body was burned on a pyre, all the atoms that were in his body were dispersed in the air or became part of the ashes that we disposed of in river Ganges. It is conceivable that some of his atoms are now part of my body. In a way we are still connected.

Very possibly I also carry some of the atoms from the giants of human civilization that have lived before me, but that does not make me any wiser. That might as well be because I also carry traces of the greatest tyrannists also, and it would not be comforting to know that some of their traits rubbed on me.

Not too long ago, it was also in the news that the trees in the forest that stand tall like proud individuals, underneath the soil connect and communicate with each other. The old father and mother tress help the ones who are struggling to survive and cannot reach upwards to catch enough rays from the sun.

A healthy patch of forest is also a thriving ecosystem where under the façade of tranquility, a lot of buzzing activity takes place that interconnects various biological forms. It is their interdependence and interconnectedness that allows forest as a single entity to live and thrive. 

A similar interconnectedness can also exist between the artifacts we carry in our portfolio of engagement, and having so has numerous benefits. 

Let us take an example from my playbook.

There are several activities that I have curated as part of developing a framework for living with a specific purpose in mind. To do that, the yardstick against which activities are measured is whether they help me realize what I value.

One thing I value is the feeling of being creative. In my previous vocation, getting ideas to follow up in my research, or coming up with a new approach to analyzing the data that is available to all, always made me feel thrilled. The days those ideas came always made me feel that that day was well spent.

The same sense of thrill and achievement I also get when discovering connections between seemingly unrelated aspects of knowledge, or when writing and seeing an article slowly take shape as more words get assembled.

One of the activities in my PoE is writing that aligns well with my creativity. Writing, however, needs more than just words. Writing needs ideas and experiences to sustain itself. Where do those ideas come from?

A source for ideas for writing is reading . 

We may not realize it, but reading is a highly leveraged activity. The author of what I am reading spent lots of time learning and researching what is written. The author has given me the opportunity to benefit from their time and effort. 

Travelling is another reliable source of experience. Being out of our comfort zone, being at a new place, always brings new experiences that we can collect in the folds of our memories, never knowing when they might come handy in finding a personal story to connect with. 

Writing also brings up further ideas that could be followed up. When one piece of writing ends, it opens the doors for another. If completing one article gives ideas for two others, I will be in business and will not face my fears of  finistophobia.  

In the end, different activities in the portfolio of engagement – reading, writing, traveling – feed and connect with one another.

If I were to be liberal with my interpretation, other activities I have can also be put in the same portfolio of engagement and have the intentionality to realize what I value, i.e., creativity. These activities would be exercising daily and eating well to keep healthy; developing the habit of being mindful so I can be aware of the present and fully experience what is happening around me.

Being healthy allows me to do all what I value; being mindful allows me to curate experiences that could be part of writing. 

In all, connectedness, and feedback between activities in my portfolio of engagement creates an ecosystem that very much helps sustain realize what I value. It is carrying on those activities that also have an identity and purpose.

It is the same connectedness that links me with stars and galaxies in the past, and links me to what all exists.

Ciao.

Summary

1. Interconnectedness and positive feedback among organisms are essential for a healthy and vibrant ecosystem.

2. A similar interconnectedness can also exist between the activities we have in our portfolio of engagement, and having so has numerous benefits.

3. Interconnectedness between our engagements gives meaning and purpose to individual activities and helps sustain a vibrant ecosystem in our portfolio of engagements.

4. At the center of the web of connectedness sits our values. 

Related

Building a framework for living #1: Becoming aware of mortality

Building a framework for living #2: The basic premise for its need

Building a framework for living #3: Follow the advice from stoics

Building a framework for living #4: The basic principles

Building a framework for living #5: Working with the fundamental unit that makes a life

Building a framework for living #6: The alchemy of fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #7: The yardstick for fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #8: What makes a day anyway?

Building a framework for living #9: A strategy to make a day well lived

Building a framework for living #10: Choosing right engagements to make a day well lived.

Building a framework for living #11: Need for aligning engagements with our values

Building a framework for living #12: Other consequences of portfolio of engagements

Building a framework for living #12: Other consequences of portfolio of engagements

 

Arun Kumar

When I walk in the woods it engages different senses and stirs different perspectives – seeing the magic of sunlight filtering down through the leaves; hearing the sound of wind rustling in between the trees; a sense of wonder at the resilience of living beings as branches bend every other way to reach for the sunlight; or like it happened recently, coming across the skin of a snake left behind next to the trail. 

We have often come across the shed skin of the snake (also known as ecdysis; ek-de-ses), but this time seeing the skin made me wonder when was the snake here and how long it took for it to go through this transition, and in the end, did it take on a new identity?

In our own life, we go through several changes of skin over time. For us, leaving the old skin behind and getting into a new one could be a long or a short process. It could be easy or exhausting. The result at the end is a change in our identity, an improved v2.0 of us, we hope.

If we look back at our lives, some of these transitions happen as part of the normal process of growing up, others may be self-initiated, still others may be forced on us.

A big transition in the generation I live in is retirement, at least, for some of us. One day after working for 30-40 years, we leave a curated identity behind, and walk out of door naked.

The skin we leave behind is not only our identity, but is also our social connection, hooks that anchor the passage of time, a purpose in our life. Suddenly on the day of retirement, all is shed in one swoop.

If you are lucky to have a retirement party, and as one by one colleagues leave and the hall starts to empty, the finality of the change, and its consequences, starts to hit consciousness. 

At the end of the evening, after making several trips to the car with an odd assortment of gifts given to us, we walk out, look back one more time, and feeling naked start driving home.

If we did not prepare over time and left a new skin at home to slide into, the process of finding another skin begins. Whether we succeed or not depends on our internal resources, and unfortunately, not all of us may be up to the task.

But a little guide on how to go about finding a new skin, a new identity, may help.

First, start with considering what would I like the new skin to have? 

At the minimum, in the new skin I am looking for, I would like to have some of the same spots as the one I left behind.  

To get a new skin, I can go the local mall and hope that one of the stores sells one (wishful thinking), and failing that, I need to stitch one together. Do I even know how to make one? I don’t think so.

It is something I have not been coached upon. In some of the major transitions I have gone through earlier, as I shed one skin and stepped through the door, all I had to do was to put on the new one that was left there for me.

When I finished high school, I knew I was headed for college. When I finished college and my student days were over, I knew that it was time to find a job and transition into that. That was followed by efforts to continue to have a stable job and advancing the career. 

In each of these transitions, I knew what the new identity was going to be.

And now that it's time to retire, I do not have the luxury to step out of my present skin and step out of the door to find a new one to slip into. I am sure that none of the farewell presents I will receive will have new skin for a gift.

This time I am on my own and must learn ways to stitch together new skin that fits over the old bones. After much deliberation, and in the process often feeling lost, not knowing where to even start, the idea I have settled on is that the starting step in the process is to develop an appropriate portfolio of engagements.

The items inside my portfolio of engagements (PoE), aka, bag of holdings, are some curated items that will align with what I value. 

These items, once part of my routine after retirement, are going to take me through the process of developing a new identity. 

The advantages and consequences of having the right PoE, besides making my time on the Earth well lived, are myriad and include the following.

1. The engagements will give me an identity. One day if I were to come across some old colleague in the local supermarket and get asked, "What you are doing after retirement”, I would have a ready answer.

2. The engagements, by aligning with my values, will be self-motivating.

3. By the same virtue, the engagements also will give me a purpose. The purpose being the realization of my values.

4. The engagements will give my day a sense of structure. 

5. The engagements will urge me to get out of bed and look forward to the day.

6. At the end of the day, when I look back, the engagements will make me say that it was a day well spent and I will not mind repeating it tomorrow. After saying that, I can drift into a restful sleep. Further, if days feel well spent then by extension, the engagements will also make me feel that life was well lived.

7.  All of the above put together will bring a sense of equanimity and a fulfilling life, which in turn, will ease the angst of mortality (a note – a curious side note about retirement is that with it comes the bonus realization that it is the last act. Needing to look at the life expectancy table to figure out what the required minimum distribution from the retirement plan is going to be, does not help.)

That is a long list of positive side effects. What more you can ask from the bag of holdings

And so, these are the consequences of curating the right portfolio of engagements.

It was a gorgeous spring day and it felt beautiful to be outdoors on the trail. Following the analogy of the snake, I am slowly developing the PoE and getting into a new skin of my own. The difference is that snake changes its entire skin at one go, it is happening in bits and pieces for me, and also, is taking far longer. But for now, I am in no hurry.

Ciao.

Summary

1. It is important to realize that to have a fulfilling life, the activities in our portfolio of engagements should align with our values.

2. The advantages and consequences of having the right portfolio of engagements, besides making my time on the Earth well lived, are sundry.

3. The engagements will give us an identity; they are self-motivating; they give a sense of structure and purpose.

4. All consequences put together bring a sense of equanimity and a fulfilling life, which in turn, eases the angst of mortality.

Related

Building a framework for living #1: Becoming aware of mortality

Building a framework for living #2: The basic premise for its need

Building a framework for living #3: Follow the advice from stoics

Building a framework for living #4: The basic principles

Building a framework for living #5: Working with the fundamental unit that makes a life

Building a framework for living #6: The alchemy of fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #7: The yardstick for fulfilling days

Building a framework for living #8: What makes a day anyway?

Building a framework for living #9: A strategy to make a day well lived

Building a framework for living #10: Choosing right engagements to make a day well lived.

Building a framework for living #11: Need for aligning engagements with our values